Separated but not Divorced | 7 Painful Pitfalls to Avoid

separated but not divorced| 7 painful pitfalls to avoid

Separated but not Divorced| 7 Painful Pitfalls to Avoid

Many authors and marriage counselors have written books or articles about separation. The changing nature of marriage and the complexities encountered in marriage, on the other hand, cannot be covered in a solitary book or article. As a result, there is a need for this post on the 7 painful pitfalls to avoid if you are separated but not divorced.

Pitfall 1 from Separated But Not Divorced: Using Divorce Proceedings to Contact You

When someone hurts us, we instinctively want to hurt them back. It is simple to keep blaming the other spouse and harbor our rage and resentment. You can refuse to deal or extend negotiations to get the most out of your spouse. You can spend lots of money to seek vengeance or satisfaction. But what do you have in the end?

Holding onto past anger and resentment is not a good idea. This only aggravates the situation for the person who is holding them back. You can be angry at your partner even if you feel like you did fail in your marriage. However, once you’ve decided on Legal Separation, you should be productive and make good decisions in the future. A positive outlook is preferable to a negative outlook.

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If you have trouble dealing with the past, it may be beneficial to seek professional help. This could help you understand why your marriage didn’t work out now and help you manage relationships in the future.

Pitfall 2 from Separated But Not Divorced: Allowing Others to Defining and Prioritizing Your Needs

Although those around us may have good intentions, they frequently offer advice. However, the recommendations and information are sometimes incorrect or inappropriate for your specific situation.

Suppose you and your spouse have agreed to live separately and believe that it will not affect your future actions. In that case, a written “interim” agreement could be used to outline the decision to live individually and just how expenses will be covered.

This agreement could include a preliminary plan for the child and child maintenance calculations for a family with kids. In some cases, the interim mothering plan can serve as the Parenting Agreement and is incorporated into the final Divorce Settlement.

Pitfall 3 of Separated But Not Divorced: Beginning An Adversarial Procedure Without First Considering Mediation

People believe that to get a divorce, and they should hire a lawyer. It’s always perplexing to me again why people feel this way. Although they did not hire lawyers for their marriage, they felt compelled to do so because they could no longer live together.

Many people believe that conciliators will not work since they cannot calmly communicate with their spouses. Most people have found that mediation allows them to voice their concerns and requirements. They are capable of navigating the separation and reaching an agreement.

Pitfall 4: Making financial commitments independently without considering the family’s finances.

When you divorce, it is natural to consider your financial situation. Consider your entire family’s financial situation and devise a plan that you and your kids can live on if possible. It is best to create expenditures for each household before making financial decisions.

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You can’t decide on your own when it is a joint decision. A mediation process can assist both parties in more closely examining their incomes and expenses, giving people a better understanding of the issues they would face if they separated.

Pitfall 5: Ignoring Your Own Physical And Mental Wellbeing 

Dealing with a highly emotional event like divorce or separation can be difficult. When we are under emotional stress, our body functions can be weakened. This increases our susceptibility to illness. We are sometimes exhausted, overwhelmed, and unable to cope. We must start taking care of ourselves during this stressful time.

Pitfall 6: Including your children in your disagreements and losing track of them

Although your spouse may not be consciously attempting to harm or frighten your children emotionally, it is true that your disagreements with others can harm them, regardless of their age.

Including them in your disagreements would give your child the impression that you would like them to choose between you. This would only put people in a bind and make them feel uneasy being with either one or both of you. If you continue to do this to your children, mental health issues may arise.

It can be challenging for parents to ensure their children’s safety and health, especially during difficult and stressful times. This does not imply that we must lie to our children or create fictitious situations for them.

Pitfall 7: Treating divorce as if it were the end of your life.

Even though you will face difficulties.  You can also sense the stress and anxiety associated with all of the consequences of divorce. You can also do the following to reduce stress and enhance your health:


Exercise can be done alone with friends. What more activity a week can make you feel emotionally and physically healthier will astound you.

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No matter how tough it may appear, eating healthy is possible. Although resisting the possibility of fast food requires some effort, you will find that the exertion is well worth it. Always remain healthy snacks on hand, and choose fresh food over prepackaged whenever possible. You will also benefit yourself, but you will also set a good example for one’s children.


The high rate of separation and divorce in today’s society indicates that couples face numerous challenges in marriage. What was meant to last forever has been cut short by overwhelming issues such as domestic violence, adultery, deception, financial pressure, etc.?

Nonetheless, there are many lessons to learn during this difficult time to help you save your marriage or be a better partner in your future relationships. So, which of the 7 painful pitfalls to avoid for separated but not divorced people are you going to implement?